I seek many things. More often than not they are simple things. I saw "Alexander the Great" last night - and I do not seek to conquer all of Asia and India and beyond for glory or escape - but I follow hard after 'my life' and its fulfillment on lots of levels, and do find that there is something elusive in all the world holds, even in living out my 'christian life'. I suppose it natural to seek to be and do well and enjoy contentment and love and be provided for and be fulfilled. But Psalm 27 speaks of something different. It says
"One thing I have asked of the Lord and that I will seek; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord" and then further "When you said "seek my face" my heart said to you "Your face oh Lord I shall seek" and then the encouragement at the end "Wait for the Lord, be strong and let your heart take courage, yes wait for the Lord."
In Isaiah 40:31 it says "Those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tierd, they will walk and not become weary."
I wait at times on the Lord. I do seek his face. And yet is the Lord my "one thing I seek"? But I do know and belive in my heart that life is renewed in His presence and there is joy inexpressible when Christ is all that is desired and the one pearl of great price that is worth everything else. I am glad of the grace of the Lord on this journey of finding God as King, and I am glad that Jesus Himself showed a life of friendship and adventure and deep love and wisdom.
And as I ponder these thoughts I'm looking forward to the pancakes, caffe latte and freshly squeezed oraange juice I've ordered for breakfast! Though there is a rightful place for the King that we more often than not do not give - yet still he shines the sun and gives the rain and his call is a call to the heart and he has the way to call to the heart - through his majestic bueaty and love. He truely is the one thing worth seeking.
Pancakes are here!
November 30, 2006
November 28, 2006
the walk
Hi. My prayer letter didn't send out to people via email - so I'm putting the main part of it here on the blog. It's a story of a walk this month, not sure how that adds up as a prayer letter - its probably better off as a blog entry! Anyway - hope you are well. Next month prayer letter should work out ok! Much love!
A much needed time with the Lord was had this morning – and He spoke to my heart and life as He always does as I wait at His feet. Two nights ago I had a sleepless night and my prayers throughout that night were almost wordless, I didn't have the clear words to pray – but from the night came the simple clarity of prayer – that I would be able to hear and to know God's voice. And the quiet voice of the Lord that spoke in the morning was the words “trust me”.
As I stood looking out the window this morning – looking over the neighbourhood and little roads in between many buildings - some very old, some very new, and out to the mountains in the distance, I heard a small voice – “go for a walk, take the first road you can into the midst of this neighbourhood, go and explore.” I got ready, packed my rucksack with camera, kit-kat, phone, Bible, journal, pen, 1000 Lek (Albanian money) and a few booklets about Jesus. I wondered where this walk would lead me and I was prepared for every outcome or idea I could imagine!
I walked out of the apartment block. Lili was sitting there as always and the thought went through my mind to give her a booklet about Jesus. I figured I would do that on the way back. I stopped for a chat and told her I was off for a walk. She suggested I go the other way, as the way I planned to go was where all the mountain people lived and she didn't have too high an opinion of them and their ways! I said I would be very careful, but wanted to go see the area. I saw a little road, almost blocked with high walls, to the right and thought – “it can't be the way to go can it?” I walked on and saw a little gypsy boy. I saw him meet another young boy about his age, who wasn't a gypsy and they started to push and fight each other. I walked towards them, looked at them with a question and a concern and the boy walked away and the gypsy boy hurried on down the road. I wondered “Lord did you bring me out here on the walk for that boy?” I found the next road to the right, explored and walked down every narrow path and every one led me to a big gate or a big barking dog. I thought “Okay Lord, I'll go back to the first road.” I did, and walked down to find a big gate and a barking dog. So, then further along the other way, I walked through the markets – through all the stalls and little paths right out to the other side. After another dead end and another muddy road I found myself out on the main street beside Isa Boletini statue, in front of my house.
I turned back and thought “Go the other way and take the next road to the right.” On and on, I took every road to the right, every road was a dead end – once with a Catholic church, other times like usual – big walled gates. Now I was way down by Margaret's house. Near that neighbourhood there is a hill that we can see from Margaret's house with an antenna on it. We have felt like trekking up there for a good view and time to reflect, and I thought, “Ah maybe I'll get there today...” but nearing the road I began thinking “Oh, maybe it's all just been about me going to Margaret's house for a coffee and a prayer.” Which would have been good, but in my spirit which was now feeling futile, I was thinking “What on earth am I bothering with this faith walk for!” Then I heard within – “stay on the road, don't turn off, keep going” I sang the song – open the eyes of my heart Lord, and walked on down the road back towards my neighbourhood.
I liked the walk cause it was a wide rocky road with interesting things to look at along the way – like a speeding motorbike in the distance or an old man pulling a big sheep along with him (I did feel sorry for the sheep). At the end of the road was the turning – the right went back towards my home and the left to where the pastor and his wife and family live. I love going there for my lessons. I'd be there all the time happily, but I knew it wasn't a time to visit – so instead did not turn left or right – but went straight ahead. It was grassy – not really a road at all and it was a wide space. Buildings were being built on either side and the view ahead was of mountains and a hill with various species of trees and a catholic church and a fortress. I thought – “Wow, I'll go there!” I walked as far as I could only to meet, at the grassy verge, a big wide ditch with a river running through it. There was no way to even think about crossing, so I turned around and in the other direction view was the hill in the distance with the antenna. On either side were places I would love to go, but it wasn't for today. As I walked quite contentedly back towards the turning for the road that would take me home – I looked at some graffiti on a wall. In big letters was “KA PLLAN” in Albanian it means “HE HAS A PLAN” and I knew that at the heart of my life I had no plan, no map, no idea! But God – He knows exactly, He has the plan, He has the map, He knows it all. Its not even for me to know or to plan the big picture, but it's my honour and joy and mandate to follow and trust in Him, who knows the beginning to the end.
I was ready to go home. The walk had served its purpose. I know the gypsy kids are in my heart, I know sometimes life seems to have no clear direction, I know I love this church here, I know I am so interested in knowing Albania, I know I can try many roads before knowing the right one to take, but most importantly I know God is the only one who knows the plan of my life, and He knows the way I can and will go as I listen to Him and follow Him. I don't know the way, but I know God and I need to trust Him, I want to hear His voice and follow in the way that He leads.
As I neared the apartment block, there was Lili sitting in the sun with her cardigan on and all the little nick-naks she and her husband sell every day. We talked as usual about a good few things and then I asked her if she would like to read something about Jesus. Lili said no, she reads her own religion books – Muslim books, and she is learning from them little by little. I said to her that if the time came that she wanted to know about Jesus – I was ready to share with her. She appreciated it. And we talked more about her mother and other things. We are becoming neighbours and friends.
Please pray that I will know God's voice and know the direction to stay in or to take at the right time. Its really important for me right now. I have surrendered my life and all its plans and ambitions to God, and I do not want to run in any other direction than the one He already knows is best.
A much needed time with the Lord was had this morning – and He spoke to my heart and life as He always does as I wait at His feet. Two nights ago I had a sleepless night and my prayers throughout that night were almost wordless, I didn't have the clear words to pray – but from the night came the simple clarity of prayer – that I would be able to hear and to know God's voice. And the quiet voice of the Lord that spoke in the morning was the words “trust me”.
As I stood looking out the window this morning – looking over the neighbourhood and little roads in between many buildings - some very old, some very new, and out to the mountains in the distance, I heard a small voice – “go for a walk, take the first road you can into the midst of this neighbourhood, go and explore.” I got ready, packed my rucksack with camera, kit-kat, phone, Bible, journal, pen, 1000 Lek (Albanian money) and a few booklets about Jesus. I wondered where this walk would lead me and I was prepared for every outcome or idea I could imagine!
I walked out of the apartment block. Lili was sitting there as always and the thought went through my mind to give her a booklet about Jesus. I figured I would do that on the way back. I stopped for a chat and told her I was off for a walk. She suggested I go the other way, as the way I planned to go was where all the mountain people lived and she didn't have too high an opinion of them and their ways! I said I would be very careful, but wanted to go see the area. I saw a little road, almost blocked with high walls, to the right and thought – “it can't be the way to go can it?” I walked on and saw a little gypsy boy. I saw him meet another young boy about his age, who wasn't a gypsy and they started to push and fight each other. I walked towards them, looked at them with a question and a concern and the boy walked away and the gypsy boy hurried on down the road. I wondered “Lord did you bring me out here on the walk for that boy?” I found the next road to the right, explored and walked down every narrow path and every one led me to a big gate or a big barking dog. I thought “Okay Lord, I'll go back to the first road.” I did, and walked down to find a big gate and a barking dog. So, then further along the other way, I walked through the markets – through all the stalls and little paths right out to the other side. After another dead end and another muddy road I found myself out on the main street beside Isa Boletini statue, in front of my house.
I turned back and thought “Go the other way and take the next road to the right.” On and on, I took every road to the right, every road was a dead end – once with a Catholic church, other times like usual – big walled gates. Now I was way down by Margaret's house. Near that neighbourhood there is a hill that we can see from Margaret's house with an antenna on it. We have felt like trekking up there for a good view and time to reflect, and I thought, “Ah maybe I'll get there today...” but nearing the road I began thinking “Oh, maybe it's all just been about me going to Margaret's house for a coffee and a prayer.” Which would have been good, but in my spirit which was now feeling futile, I was thinking “What on earth am I bothering with this faith walk for!” Then I heard within – “stay on the road, don't turn off, keep going” I sang the song – open the eyes of my heart Lord, and walked on down the road back towards my neighbourhood.
I liked the walk cause it was a wide rocky road with interesting things to look at along the way – like a speeding motorbike in the distance or an old man pulling a big sheep along with him (I did feel sorry for the sheep). At the end of the road was the turning – the right went back towards my home and the left to where the pastor and his wife and family live. I love going there for my lessons. I'd be there all the time happily, but I knew it wasn't a time to visit – so instead did not turn left or right – but went straight ahead. It was grassy – not really a road at all and it was a wide space. Buildings were being built on either side and the view ahead was of mountains and a hill with various species of trees and a catholic church and a fortress. I thought – “Wow, I'll go there!” I walked as far as I could only to meet, at the grassy verge, a big wide ditch with a river running through it. There was no way to even think about crossing, so I turned around and in the other direction view was the hill in the distance with the antenna. On either side were places I would love to go, but it wasn't for today. As I walked quite contentedly back towards the turning for the road that would take me home – I looked at some graffiti on a wall. In big letters was “KA PLLAN” in Albanian it means “HE HAS A PLAN” and I knew that at the heart of my life I had no plan, no map, no idea! But God – He knows exactly, He has the plan, He has the map, He knows it all. Its not even for me to know or to plan the big picture, but it's my honour and joy and mandate to follow and trust in Him, who knows the beginning to the end.
I was ready to go home. The walk had served its purpose. I know the gypsy kids are in my heart, I know sometimes life seems to have no clear direction, I know I love this church here, I know I am so interested in knowing Albania, I know I can try many roads before knowing the right one to take, but most importantly I know God is the only one who knows the plan of my life, and He knows the way I can and will go as I listen to Him and follow Him. I don't know the way, but I know God and I need to trust Him, I want to hear His voice and follow in the way that He leads.
As I neared the apartment block, there was Lili sitting in the sun with her cardigan on and all the little nick-naks she and her husband sell every day. We talked as usual about a good few things and then I asked her if she would like to read something about Jesus. Lili said no, she reads her own religion books – Muslim books, and she is learning from them little by little. I said to her that if the time came that she wanted to know about Jesus – I was ready to share with her. She appreciated it. And we talked more about her mother and other things. We are becoming neighbours and friends.
Please pray that I will know God's voice and know the direction to stay in or to take at the right time. Its really important for me right now. I have surrendered my life and all its plans and ambitions to God, and I do not want to run in any other direction than the one He already knows is best.
list of fours distraction
Here is a list of fours entirely inspired by my friend Mary. A nice distraction to the days work! Let me know if you write up your own list of fours!
The List of 4s:
four jobs i have had in my life:
1. server in a delicatessen and bakery in Scotland
2. grounds crew worker at MBI in Chicago
3. missionary in Albania
4. support worker in a homeless project in England
four movies i would watch over and over:
1. out of Africa
2. last of the mohicans
3. chocolat
4. motorcycle diaries
four places i have lived:
1. Edinburgh
2. Sierra Leone
3. Chicago
4. Albania
four tv shows i love to watch:
1. 2000 acres of Skye
2. northern exposure
3. lost
4. the wonder years
four places i have been on vacation:
1. Michigan
2. France
3. Isle of Lewis
4. Nova Scotia
four of my favorite foods:
1. thai green curry
2. anything with tomato, chilli and lime
3. good cheese cake and diet coke
4. kimchee, rice, fried egg and seasame leaves!
four places i would like to be right now:
1. playing backgammon with Catherine near the fire at Bond Street, with Gareth and Anna around somewhere nearby, with nothing to do but hang out, walk in the park, cook good food, make tea and watch films!
2. with all the family at Bridge Cottage, Isle of Lewis
3. back on the Liberan coast with friends from long ago
4. on a travelling adventure with all my best friends!
four books i'd read again:
1. the singer trilogy
2. the counte of monte cristo
3. the divine conspiracy
4. anne of the island
four songs i listen to over and over:
1. danny's song - lynn anderson
2. the promise - tracy chapman
3. the vally song - jars of clay
4. run like the wind - barbra dickson (I used to love that song when I was a kid)
four things i hate:
1. the teeth moulds the dentsit used to make us wear - tasted yucky
2. being confused, not understanding or knowing whats right or wrong
3. breathing in water when swimming under the sea
4. most of all - the hurtful things of the world
four random things i love:
1. giant waves
2. lots of different types of comfort - like nice home environments - wooden furniture, fireplaces and sofas and colourful blankets and carpets with good company, films, coffee and well stocked fridge and cupboards of good food, being wrapped up cosy and warm in wooly jumpers while being outside in wild and beautiful nature, clean and fresh smelling clothes, going out for dinner in a tropical place after spending the day at the beach and having had a refreshing shower...
3. travelling in ramdom places in landrover with a camera
4. good warm open conversation and spending time together with absolute acceptance
The List of 4s:
four jobs i have had in my life:
1. server in a delicatessen and bakery in Scotland
2. grounds crew worker at MBI in Chicago
3. missionary in Albania
4. support worker in a homeless project in England
four movies i would watch over and over:
1. out of Africa
2. last of the mohicans
3. chocolat
4. motorcycle diaries
four places i have lived:
1. Edinburgh
2. Sierra Leone
3. Chicago
4. Albania
four tv shows i love to watch:
1. 2000 acres of Skye
2. northern exposure
3. lost
4. the wonder years
four places i have been on vacation:
1. Michigan
2. France
3. Isle of Lewis
4. Nova Scotia
four of my favorite foods:
1. thai green curry
2. anything with tomato, chilli and lime
3. good cheese cake and diet coke
4. kimchee, rice, fried egg and seasame leaves!
four places i would like to be right now:
1. playing backgammon with Catherine near the fire at Bond Street, with Gareth and Anna around somewhere nearby, with nothing to do but hang out, walk in the park, cook good food, make tea and watch films!
2. with all the family at Bridge Cottage, Isle of Lewis
3. back on the Liberan coast with friends from long ago
4. on a travelling adventure with all my best friends!
four books i'd read again:
1. the singer trilogy
2. the counte of monte cristo
3. the divine conspiracy
4. anne of the island
four songs i listen to over and over:
1. danny's song - lynn anderson
2. the promise - tracy chapman
3. the vally song - jars of clay
4. run like the wind - barbra dickson (I used to love that song when I was a kid)
four things i hate:
1. the teeth moulds the dentsit used to make us wear - tasted yucky
2. being confused, not understanding or knowing whats right or wrong
3. breathing in water when swimming under the sea
4. most of all - the hurtful things of the world
four random things i love:
1. giant waves
2. lots of different types of comfort - like nice home environments - wooden furniture, fireplaces and sofas and colourful blankets and carpets with good company, films, coffee and well stocked fridge and cupboards of good food, being wrapped up cosy and warm in wooly jumpers while being outside in wild and beautiful nature, clean and fresh smelling clothes, going out for dinner in a tropical place after spending the day at the beach and having had a refreshing shower...
3. travelling in ramdom places in landrover with a camera
4. good warm open conversation and spending time together with absolute acceptance
November 19, 2006
special
There's no doubt about it - we want to be special - somehow...
Actors and actresses, famous people, the adventurous, the inventive.
People compelled - there's no getting round the fact that they just can't give in from doing that which defines them, makes them known. I'm the same. I'm compelled. I follow hard after the things which I believe in, the things which give me a reason for living. I want to do something special with my life. But in so many regards I am not at all special. People all over the world are doing things or living lives that inspire me. What I see as most special is the life lived for God - with love and peace and joy, with faith, with humility, with no self interest, with little care that they are seen to be special or not. They already know they are so special to God, and there is nothing more wonderful for them than being all consumed with Him.
Tonight in church a lady cried out - Lord we are hungry for you, for your Holy Spirit. She prayed a prayer, she cried a prayer of hunger for God - of longing just for God. It brought me into His presence, it showed me my own hunger. Our faith and love relationship with God can build up one another.
Jesus already has seen us as special - so special that he gave everything to fill our lives with value. That was the message in church tonight, to live with optimism not pessimism, to have the outlook of God who has already given all to us. Man - so often I am brought low - in spirit, in health, in heart. It was good to hear the call to the joy of heart in the easy and the difficult times. Living today with the outlook of Christ, living today with victory - serving where we are. Living out the life of mercy and love and the goodnews today, because we are loved by the God of heavan and earth.
I do want to do something special with my life - but I don't want to need to be seen as special in the eyes of others. I want to be special to the One who has made me more special than I could dream or imagine, and this beauty bestowed on me - I'll see it in heavan. A real hunger is the hunger for God when we finaly realise that nothing else compares.
Actors and actresses, famous people, the adventurous, the inventive.
People compelled - there's no getting round the fact that they just can't give in from doing that which defines them, makes them known. I'm the same. I'm compelled. I follow hard after the things which I believe in, the things which give me a reason for living. I want to do something special with my life. But in so many regards I am not at all special. People all over the world are doing things or living lives that inspire me. What I see as most special is the life lived for God - with love and peace and joy, with faith, with humility, with no self interest, with little care that they are seen to be special or not. They already know they are so special to God, and there is nothing more wonderful for them than being all consumed with Him.
Tonight in church a lady cried out - Lord we are hungry for you, for your Holy Spirit. She prayed a prayer, she cried a prayer of hunger for God - of longing just for God. It brought me into His presence, it showed me my own hunger. Our faith and love relationship with God can build up one another.
Jesus already has seen us as special - so special that he gave everything to fill our lives with value. That was the message in church tonight, to live with optimism not pessimism, to have the outlook of God who has already given all to us. Man - so often I am brought low - in spirit, in health, in heart. It was good to hear the call to the joy of heart in the easy and the difficult times. Living today with the outlook of Christ, living today with victory - serving where we are. Living out the life of mercy and love and the goodnews today, because we are loved by the God of heavan and earth.
I do want to do something special with my life - but I don't want to need to be seen as special in the eyes of others. I want to be special to the One who has made me more special than I could dream or imagine, and this beauty bestowed on me - I'll see it in heavan. A real hunger is the hunger for God when we finaly realise that nothing else compares.
November 13, 2006
hot water bottle
Margaret bought me a brand new hot water bottle. Its bottle green with a little aqua mixed in, and the screwtop has been fashioned out of the bottom of a light bulb! It's filled with hot water and is warming up my bed that has a new blanket on it. The lights are out - no electricity and I have about 10 candles lit up in different parts of the house. Its very homely and old fashioned!
Last night I didn't sleep - a flu has hit me like a hammer and the cold is here and I have a hundred thoughts - and out of it all - I knew I just desired to hear and know Gods voice. And the still quiet voice that has spoken to me says 'trust me' and those words will never change - for God is trustworthy always.
I am thinking of my Mum and nephews this day and night - but none the less I feel I have never been quite as blessed as I am just now because God has chosen me to live here in this northern town with the people he has chosen for my life - and it is special, and God himself is my soulmate and teacher and his grace and love are ever present. And my bed is going to be warm tonight - and I have a feeling I will lay down and sleep in peace.
Last night I didn't sleep - a flu has hit me like a hammer and the cold is here and I have a hundred thoughts - and out of it all - I knew I just desired to hear and know Gods voice. And the still quiet voice that has spoken to me says 'trust me' and those words will never change - for God is trustworthy always.
I am thinking of my Mum and nephews this day and night - but none the less I feel I have never been quite as blessed as I am just now because God has chosen me to live here in this northern town with the people he has chosen for my life - and it is special, and God himself is my soulmate and teacher and his grace and love are ever present. And my bed is going to be warm tonight - and I have a feeling I will lay down and sleep in peace.
November 08, 2006
my bedside table
This is my bedside table... Candles are out because now in the super ftoft (cold!!) winter the electricity goes off a bit more often - though its been super these days. My daily light and beloved book "come away my beloved" which is just like letters from God to me, and my little Bible which is more of a treasure the older it gets. A torch, a travel clock and little stones around a small fotograph of Rebecca, Hez and Matt walking down a sandy hill on a Cornwall beach, and a little plaque of a verse that says "I will not forget you...I have held you in the palm of my hand." And finally at the shelf space is a row of journals partly and yet to be filled! I have lots of stories from Albania that are yet to be written, stories of my childhood and life yet to be written. I like writing. And I'm not doing too much of it these days... but I will some time.All this to say though - that I have posted some new photos on "Beths Photos" they are off the castle - two beach shots and again my apartment!! I don't know what it is with that - but I'm so proud of it!! I work late into the night - recently have put down new flooring on the old concrete tiles, so I take photos in the night time too - so never any bright sunshine shots... oh well! Just, for those interested - this is how the house looks now... The castle was brilliant. No photos though yet of the people of the church or the trips to Tirana or the ways the Lord is leading and guiding and providing friends and vision for living here in Albania. I havn't yet told stories of the life of Albania - the trials that people have and are enduring. I am glad to be here and as I get to know Albania more - I hope to be a story teller of the people and the place and of Jesus!
November 03, 2006
winter
In the distance, through my window view – over and above block buildings and the cross anointed tower, the mountains are capped with snow. It came yesterday – the icy whirling wind and fresh, fresh air. Evenings are dark and winter is now here!
November 02, 2006
the castle
I went to the castle some days back. Was awesome. Really imagined I was in Narnia! It was fun going up to explore the castle for the first time - with two girls from England. Louise lives in Tirana, the capital of Albania and Sally her friend was visiting her for a week, they passed through Shkodra on their way to Montenegro. Some funny littles things of the visit were boys who were standing up on a bridge throwing fire crackers down at us. And - up at the top level way up the hill were two unexpected little chiwawa dogs looking down at us at the entrance of a museum. We went in to see the museum and wandered around it in the dark as they didn't have any electricity!Some days later I went for the second time with some visiting preachers and people from the church - and for the first time I saw a real wild eagle soar up above in the sky. A really good place to see an eagle for the first time here in Albania - especially as Albania is known as the Land of the Eagles!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
