December 31, 2006

Tirana new years eve

So its new years eve... It's been an incredible year really – when I think about how different life is now from a year ago, but in all honesty I've not done any reflecting yet on the year gone by as a whole. I'm in a hotel/guesthouse room, in bed (warm and cosy there) in the dark – I've just watched “Casino Royale” on my laptop – and outside I'm seeing and hearing many fireworks go off – they are like gun shots and sparkles in the sky. I'll put the light on soon – but I quite like the atmosphere as it is. I've got music flowing through my headphones. I'm in my own world... It's funny, no one else is here at the guesthouse. I guess no one normally would be over new year! Here in Albania - everyone is with family. No one is alone. Though in Tirana - Albania's capital city - I have seen some poor people who are alone - they are in poverty, or alcoholic, or world weary. I've seen a few people like that today - and havn't known what to do for them... Anyway - I don't feel lonely here, alone in this guesthouse in Tirana's center. I know in truth I'm not alone becuase there are so many people in my life, not to mention God. It's kind of good to be a lone at times. Its good to have some away/alone time in these few days. I need them this time round. I do want that time of good reflection as I step into the year. I hope these few days ahead will have that for me.

I was at church this morning, an Internatinal church. It was a good message and I just wanted to worship God during the time of singing. Soon, I'll get ready and go to a get together this evening with foreign missionaries to celebrate new year.

I think what I care about the most at this time – is my heart of dependancy upon God. The compassion I feel within me – that I believe is from God. The desire for God to lead me in rightous ways – to be changed continually by God – day by day – to live the life that reflects Him. I want to express Gods love to the needy more than ever – and still it seems a step or two away. I have small ways of extending Gods grace and love and mercy and generosity – but they seem so small. A smile, a touch, a word, a gift, a listening heart. How I wait for the day of more expression of Gods love through my life. I long for God to make me holy. I know I love God more as the year passes, and I know I could love him so much more. Though my aspiration may be good - I'm so aware of the simple nature of "me" - the ordinary, the hopeful, the happy, the needy, the sinful, the girl, the grown up child.

I think of my friends too, and my family.
I'm hopeful for all that is ahead, and I'm ready to move forward in hope, in Gods hands and in His love, I'm ready to not look to far behind – committing the past and the future to Jesus – there is nothing more “righteous” as being dependant upon God, knowing his presence, filled with his spirit, walking in step with his desires. God is so good – he is goodness – he is all that is right. God is above all. My eyes are looking to God for this year. He is worthy of every praise and every honour, and every love.

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