upward call

The computer would not let me post a reply on Allans blog - but I wanted to say that I find myself in that place more and more frequently - a place of restisting Gods strong love and grace, with an ever awareness of my small heart that is limited and runaway with thoughts of self and defeat. This past weekend I was a way at a conference and was asked to confess my idols - I found self proctectiveness to be quite high on the list and with a deeper look found unbelief - defending myself as one who did not care that Jesus did not love me... So strange, I never realised it so deeply before, and wonderfully I found the love of Jesus able to forgive and accept the hardness I felt towards him. It feels like there is annointing when we recognise Gods glory and intimate love for ourselves as individuals. I see people differently - I see them as loved by God. My insecurities in relating to others fade as I know that I am free to be myself - loved by Jesus. It doesn't stop there though - it's only a deepening of all the reasons to dwell in his presence, recieving, worshipping and trusting - being ready to be a risk taker, and a lover of people with truth becoming ever more vital. Bring on brokeness and meeting Jesus there, bring on faith in the otherwise thought unobtainable and bring on the solid life that is able to stand and express all that has been granted by the great I AM. I want an upward vision, I want depth and firm footing and I want the wonder of all that is good from his hand, and I want to be like Jesus - sharing what the Father has given to him.

Batman begins

"it's not what is within a man, but what he does that defines him" I thought it was an awesomne quote - a kick in the right direction I think! We have dreams and hopes - but the time comes to live them out, and I guess that is what we are all trying to do - but words like that give me an extra zoom of ambition - to keep on keeping on with the aspirations within. Really liked the film too - despite the scarry mask man.

I have not written on here for ages - I've had time out from everything - even time out from myself - not cared to face some of the things that challenge me - but I'm happy to have taken my time - I know that the long term will bring all fruit to bear, and from this recent rest I feel ready to spring back up from the ocean floor and burst up for air refreshed. I'm still under the water so to speak - but in a week or so I'll be up on the Isle of Lewis with 10 free days! I'm so excited to have time to reflect - time to walk on beaches and on the croft, time to plan and dream and get some ideas in motion, time for good food, maybe wine and on the not so sunny days a nice fire in the living room fire place. Will write again from that Hebredian magic!