March 10, 2005
catching the waves
My world is going upsidedown, or maybe not upsidedown - but certainly hanging in the balance - almost as though I'm waiting on a wave, just about to be carried - but don't know if it will take me under and cream me, or or if I'll ride it smoothly to shore. My heart has been open, and my spirit longing for the place I have felt so called to for so long. Already I think of the individual kids that I have dreamed of being alongside in their lives. And it might all happen still, it might all be a miscommunication. I wrote a special, good man that I wasn't ready to say a marriage yes to him, and he wrote - if that were so - I should not come at all. Why would he say that? It has to be miscommunication! So I decided I will not yet grieve this, I wont believe that he means what he says. I'll believe he is only hurt, and in a few days he will write or call, and he would accept me as I am (expectant of feelings of love, in time, in such precious service together) So I'll silently wait, waiting for the wave to break.