February 19, 2005
a novice and a fool
Today I came home from work - feeling foolish. Seeing myself that way, knowing what a novice I am, in everything. So many new beginnings, adapting so many times, new friends, finding a new belonging, and then all of a sudden I see things as I temporarily believe they are - that I'm sitting in on a life that others live and belong to, and really I'm only a novice - and my words have been foolish. My thoughts are foolish and my ways are too. With all my insecure defended pride of sorts I find I am alone in my soul and I want to be sheltered, I want to find my island where there is no one but me, so that I can be safe and fly free, surrounded by sun and sky and sea. I might need to go there someday, but in reality I do have a place in this world - with all the beauty and torrents that surround and I suppose with gratitute and eventually willingness I have no choice but to be a novice and a fool.