February 19, 2005

a novice and a fool

Today I came home from work - feeling foolish. Seeing myself that way, knowing what a novice I am, in everything. So many new beginnings, adapting so many times, new friends, finding a new belonging, and then all of a sudden I see things as I temporarily believe they are - that I'm sitting in on a life that others live and belong to, and really I'm only a novice - and my words have been foolish. My thoughts are foolish and my ways are too. With all my insecure defended pride of sorts I find I am alone in my soul and I want to be sheltered, I want to find my island where there is no one but me, so that I can be safe and fly free, surrounded by sun and sky and sea. I might need to go there someday, but in reality I do have a place in this world - with all the beauty and torrents that surround and I suppose with gratitute and eventually willingness I have no choice but to be a novice and a fool.


Jenn said...

so glad you could join us...thanks for your comments on my blog, I was very encouraged. I hope you'll keep posting your thoughts and goings on in your life. miss you already..

beth smith said...

Jenn, I love reading the thoughts and letting my mind start sorting through the ideas. Can't wait for the day we get to hang out again. Ta for passing this on to me!