Edmund loved turkish delight...

Edmund loved turkish delight and harboured his annoyances, selfishness and hurt inside. He became deceptive, traitorous and foolishly won over to an awful cold and unloving kingdom of the snow queen. But through Aslans plan and Edmunds good brother and sisters and through the journey that Edmund found himself on - he figured out what was good - and after escape, reconciliation and selflessness in battle, Edmund knew that it was possible to step into the big shoes of being a king - and being called Edmund the Just. That's cool, it's redemption, and I'm so glad of it.


"No one would love me if they knew all the things I hide. My words fall to the floor as tears drip through the telephone line. And the hands I’ve seen raised to the sky not waving but drowning all this time. I'll try to build an ark that they need to float to you upon the crystal sea. Give me your hand to hold 'cause I can't stand to love alone, and love alone is not enough to hold us up we've got to touch your robe, so swing your robe down low, swing your robe down low. The prince of despair's been beaten but the loser still fights, death's on a long leash stealing my friends to the night. And everyone cries for the innocent, you say to love the guilty too. And I'm surrounded by suffering and sickness so I'm working tearing back the roof. And the pain of the world is a burden and it's my cross to bear, and I stumble under all the weight. I know you're Simon standing there and I know you're standing there."
~ Caedoms Call, "Love Alone"

No one would love Edmund, no one would love me, knowing all the things he and I hide. Yet in the end that's not really true. All that hidden stuff is seen - somewhat by those around and entirely by Jesus, and he still loves and he knows the way through it all. I'm on a pursuit of holiness - being set free from the haunting sins and self will that leads us nowhere,to nothing - orelse through mountain paths to icy kingdoms of entrapments. God, like Narnia's Aslan is to be feared but is so good, has the great plan of redemption and the ability to look us in the eye giving us courage and humility and a contrite heart. And our friends and family love us like Peter, Susan and Lucy - or Simon standing there - ready to help lift the burden of the cross. And the pain of the world is a burden - but it's our cross to bear. Us and our struggles, us and our burdens, and our great God over all who walks with us and tries to reach us, who leads us and fills our heart with passions and compassion - He will makes us kings and queens - cause we are already in his family, already his heir, and we are part of his great work of healing the broken and setting the captives free, and along the journey we become who we were always meant to be - the great sons and daughters of the King!

just a part of this big world

Took a walk - up along the road, past the chocolate factory, up to the christian bookstore, into a cafe. Sat and wrote - drank hot chocolate, took a walk to the park and stood by a little stream and thought through my questions.

I got that feeling of wanting to run away again, wanting to break every chord and connection I have with here - a place I might have some semblance of belonging. I know its cause I'm leaving soon, and I know its cause there can never be a perfect place of forever friendship, life and love. I crave that permenance, and get so dissapointed when I feel its not somthing real, and I don't understand why I feel my heart breaking a little. I'm afraid of loosing whatever I might have gained, recieved, given. I know I'll just miss my friends. I always do. Are we meant to care and feel this much? I do mostly think so.

I'm glad I get to work these things out in my own way, in my own thoughts and walks - cause until I do I just want to be gone, away, unseen and unknown. I'm glad God is there - to hear me and know me. These lonely days are just a part of this big world.