May 15, 2005

dreams in waiting

A few days ago I was high on a mountain top - surrounded by unspoilt grass, daisies, delicate purple flowers. The view of the surrounding mountain peaks was awe-inspiring but in no way overwhelming - it was a gentle awe, like the warm, almost hot, sun and ever so gentle breeze that indescreetly blew. I was there with Cimmi and Danja and thier 2 year old daughter Sara, Richard, Joanne and Dorothy. We had a picnic of the freshest, ripest tomatoes, homebaked bread, cream cheese and faithful coca cola. Richard is writing a book called "The invisible servant" of his life and ministry in Albania - and he has been there through the war times and has sought to encourage the people that they might know hope which is so lacking in their culture and lives. Many of the old Albanians have been through persecution and poverty, they have grown in perseverance and character and in this are amiable and admirable - but they have no inckling of hope - and the next generation grew up the same. There is the possibility for a new day in Albania - it's arriving - it may be a generation of hope that is raised in young Sara's day - but it will be a huge battle that if won, will be won by God alone through his faithful invisible servants I would imagine. But all this is not what I wanted to say. I went back to Albania unexpectedly last week - arrived home again yesterday morning. My heart is ever more tied to the country, I feel a kinship to it. Although I was in a place I had never been with people I had never met before - it was Albania and I found that strange feeling of belonging again. My thoughts were shared with Richard on the top of another mountain - the longing to fulfill this destiny I have felt pulled to for so long - a life lived of advocacy and an expression of truth and love. It makes sense to me that it would fit in Albania and it would fit with children at risk. I didn't feel wrong in my words or ambitions - but felt that there was still that - not yet, not now. It made me wonder if it will ever be. If I got to the end of my life and nothing was done about these feelings in my bones and being - then I'll wonder why they ever were there in the first place. But I left that mountain top, knowing that it was my heart that was restless - it is my heart that longs to be expressed and God may suprise me in how he brings that expression to light. I'm not giving up on the dream - I'm going to be ready for the day that God might say - now go, go to the battle ground. Until that time I live a day at a time - grateful for provisions and setting in sight the staying on the narrow path of what would God want from me today. What will I do today - never mind the dreams, never mind that future place of serving that I have only seen in my own imagination. God's going to get me there, get us there - today is all there will ever be, and for the long term I'm going to be ready, I'm so glad I get the chance to get ready.

1 comment:

allan said...

wow...glad you got to go to Albania. Mmmm...I've been thinking a lot about what Bonnie Witheral said about Calling. "God has not called us to a place, He has called us to Himself." I know He is a very specific God but there is something very true about firstly understanding that that is our greatest calling. Beth your desire to be and do what God wants is astounding. I love it. Its so encouraging.