I'm sitting in the Stephen Centre - a foreign, christian cafe/restraunt in Tirana. It's air conditioned, has the flags of the world hanging up between the walls, it even has a framed art deco photo that used to be in my old Birmingham home. I've got my traditional diet coke with ice, a notebook and pen and a million thoughts.
I just met a poor gypsy family; snotty nosed kids just wearing underpants and tatty tee-shirts, a father and mother pushing a plastic pushchair for their little one and all pleading with their eyes for nje cind lek - about 2pence. 'Me fal, me fal' I say as I walk past 'forgive me, forgive me' and when I look back to say goodbye the mother let go of my arm and looked back with a wide and sparkling smile. Some people here are very poor, not all, but some. I'm not going to start speaking about Albanian culture because over the years I've come nowhere close to earning that right - but there is undoubtedly poverty here - not accross the board - but it is alive and kicking in Albania.
After Anna and Catherine left (see "Firefly Week" below) I began my second week in Albania. It was heartaching to see them go and I realised how I missed my family, other friends and life 'back home'. The reality of being in a foreign country and culture had been slowly dawning on me while Anna and Catherine were with me, but the day they left it fell upon me like a ton of bricks.
The day they left - early in the morning, I hugged them goodbye outside the airport at 3.20am before jumping back in the taxi that would take me down the bumpy Bathore Road to Margarets house. I slept for 3 hours before Margaret, Judith and I began to prepare for travelling up north in the Landrover to Shkodra to look for houses to live in.
We will go up as a small team to set up a nesting base for WEC and its new workers (me being one of them) Margaret, a Scottish lady who has been a WEC missionary in Albania for 13 years will coordinate this new phase for WEC Albania and Judith a Singaporean lady who has been a WEC missionary in Albania for 8 years will work alongside Margaret while further developing her Albanian language. I will have the main focus of intensive language learning for my first year. The team's vision is to see Albania and Albanians affected by Christ and His character - seeing the light and life of Jesus reach into Albania and made alive.
My hearts vision is the same - but at the forefront is a concern for children at risk. All that we do will have these things in mind and I will work hard at learning the language and trust God with all He will open up before me in the year to come. I believe He will open up fruitful relationships aswell as opening my heart and mind to the reality of the country and people of Albania. I want to see the best that I can in Albania but I know I will see the difficult and the wrong too, and I want to - but in an informed and compassionate way. I have much to trust God for - and it's the reason I am here.
So... we arrived in Shkodra. It was hot, lots of apartment blocks, some old parts of the town with worn out beautiful buildings, old style stores still in use - book shops and bakeries. In the more modern part - small food shops and cafes all wall to wall along the wide streets with tall apartment blocks. Sonya and Albani met us with smiles and hugs. They are a young Albanian Christian couple who belong to a church that although they don't know us have taken it upon themselves to welcome and help us come to Shkodra. It is amazing how much friendship they are extending and we feel very blessed. Sonya is 24, tall and beautiful and very smart and warm hearted. She loves Jesus and wants to live for him, seeing him expressed in peoples lives. I took to her straight away, it was a great help seeing as I missed Anna and Catherine so very much that day.
We began walking - hoping to meet the arranged contacts, and as we waited in a park a young lad peddled up - his name was Noah, pronounced No-ae-ah. He had been cycling around all day to help us find a house. He had soft, gentle eyes, must have been about 15 years old, loved Jesus and wanted to help and serve without a second thought - it was in his nature. Soon he was leading us to our first viewing. It was off the main road, down a potholed street, up to an old communist style appartment block and painted above the entrance in pale pink paint was GERMANY - must have been there for the football. Up we climbed, and I felt so alone. We steped in through a steel door and there were two rooms filled with furniture - old chairs and a bed, some bunkbeds and a table. There was a bathroom with a hole in the floor and a kitchen with a walled sink that was crumblimg. It was small and compact - I looked for a balcony and the view was other appartment blocks. The family who owned it spoke strongly about all it's benifits and I began to try and imagine myself living there. As I walked back down the stairs my legs began to shake, weak beneath me. I looked steadily forward, put on a brave face but when we were weaving in and out of market stalls going single file, my heart ached and I cried out to Jesus, for Him to hold me and take care of me. I felt His strong, loving and reassuring hand with me and silently I let my tears fall.
The next place was much nicer - in an older part of town near the mountains with many fruit trees in the yard and very close to where Sonya and Albani lives. I was asked to make a decision and though it didn't fill my heart with joy I figured that no place in Albania would immediately be all I dream of, so I decided yes. We waited in a cafe for the next hour or so and them I had to go back to sign documents for renting the apartment. It was decided that Sonya, Noah and I would go to do this. As we stood outside gathering ourselves together to go a strong whirling wind began to rumble, blowing rubbish and dust up in circles in the air and the skies were are a darkening blue-grey. As we pushed the two bikes along the road the rain pelted down and down and down! Thunder cracked and lightling lit up the sky and torrents of rain fell. Sonya hurried along worriedly, I just was amazed and hurried and laughed as did Noah. He kept exclaiming "oh - wha!" as they do here and he would duck his head down, glance over to me and grin widely! It was the best I had felt all day!
It turned out that the contract for the house was not at all legal - so we couldn't accept it. We ate spagetti at Sonya and Albans house and 8 hours later got back into the Land Rover for the journey back south. It felt like the first day of my new Albanian life. I got home and was exhausted, missed my friends, missed my family and fell of to sleep and to sleep.
The following days have introduced Bible studies and fellowship times with Margaret and Judith, sitting on the steps with the mother and daughter who live below Margarets house, talking to a young gypsy boy who sells cassttes at the end of the road where I get the bus to Tirana. I'm often jumping on and off the fugon minibuses to get to Tirana to do emails or any other town work that needs doing. I was at church yesterday with a bus load of people from Bathore who go to a church near by. I'm meeting people, talking with them, finding my feet, enjoying Albania. Margaret, Judith and I are all praying about the move to Shkodra, the right timing of it, the right house. We wonder if it will be a three story villa - where each of us with have a level to ourselves. I really like that idea. God knows what is best and what is perfect and what fits in with His plans - and that is what we are asking Him for. I do have great expectations of all that is ahead. God has me here for a reason. To Shkodra and to the North!
July 29, 2006
July 26, 2006
Firefly Week
We had a great adventure...
(as soon as I can work out how to put photos on - I will)
After arriving into Tirana we were picked up by Margaret Reid, the long term WEC missionary here and bought into the centre where Margaret had some people to meet. We were sent out for our first Tirana experience when Margaret asked us to go to do the shopping in the market - melons, olives, bread, local cheese, onions, tomatoes and the like were all on the list - and the market was alive with sights, sounds and smells and friendly vendors interested in foreigners. It was hot outside and bustling. Anna and Catherine loved it and we made our way round getting lots of good and tastey natual foods. From the start Anna and Catherine opened their hearts to Albania - natural travellers indeed!
By the time we got to Margerets house - tired and hot and dusty but content and excited and happy, we arranged where we would sleep and dropped off to the the sounds of Albania's night - this night it was drums beating for a wedding, dogs barking at each other and hundreds of crickets singing their song while a muslim dirge occasionally rang out. It was as though we were lying in a bed in Africa - the heat and the mosquitos to add to the effect! Was a good introduction to a foreign land.
The next morning a bit bedraggled we set of bright and early and got on a fugon to Korce. We flew round the high mountains in a spacious minibus - two young lads travelling back and forth from Italy kept us entertained along with the speed along driver who stopped at a cafe for a soup and coffee break. It was lovely - there was a soft flowing river, a gentle breeze in the warm air and a nice cappacino with cream on top to enjoy. We stopped again at a natural spring and filled up our water bottles with the most refreshing water to be found. The driver took us to the very doorstep of where we needed to go.
We arrived a Dorcus International, a Dutch Christian humanitarian project that so kindly offered us accomodation - but meanwhile it had to be cleaned out as it was a shed like place that had just been flooded! After a coffee we ended up helping out the lady cleaning and began to form a nice friendship with her - Lirika. Catherine had a picture for her - of God wanting to pour out his love upon her as gold, knowing that she had lost a lot in her past. The next morning while talking with her again it turned out to be so true - she had lost her husband many years ago - leaving her to struggle through life in many ways. (Here's a picture of the sitting room area of our sweet shed - very makeshift but became affectionalty familiar in the short space of time we were there - the good company made it home!)
That afternoon and night we wandered around Korce - cafes, finding postcards, visiting the big othodox church. A couple of old men showed us around the grand building with many icons of saints and apostles and with joyful blessings upon us wished us farewell as we left - one reaching out finally to Catherine pouring out upon her the blessing of finding a beautiful and good husband - Catherine making fine efforts at her language understanding in returned blessed him back by saying "and to you too"! One of the best things of that day was finding a wonderful sweet shop with cakes and baklava like we had never seen before - we took our time picking out cakes before finding a park where people all milled around, the old men playing backgammon, cards and dominoes and others sitting around catching up on the days gossip. In the heat we talked and prayed for Albania. Tierd out we found a restraunt called The Danub, though it was empty it looked very posh and we dined with the best of steaks and finest fruity Albania Merlot wine and a delightful young waiter who seemed trainned to serve royalty! And all of this to the background of 1980's love songs!
The best of all the marvels of that day was walking home late at night down the large dusty road, past great concrete arches that we could not work out what they were there for, and looking out upon the dimly lit bushes and trees that ran on the sides of the road Catherine exclaimed - "look!" and for the first time atleast for Anna and I we saw the buzzing light of a firefly. It was like a fairly from a storybook, then there were two - we were transfixed! It was so much fun. We stayed on the look out all the way home seeing new ones occasionally aswell as searching out the milkyway and bright stars spread out accross the Albanian night sky.
There is much more to write about - the trip to the village Sheqeras - our drivers to the rescue that drove us along the road that would have taken us from morning to night otherwise, meeting Dite a lovely Albanian older lady who treated us like daughters in her simple home, finding a church called Church of the Hebrew Carpenter - a small fellowship of christian opera singers who sing hymns at the top of their voices and then ate ice cream and fruit with us entertaining us with conversation and song! Also the night time ritual of the whole of the town gathering to walk up and down the roads of the town or city - talking and laughing, catching up. Kids in the park with their families till all hours at night and the finding of a wonderful lit up and musical fountain surrounded by a cafe that sells divine hot chocolate. Travelling up north and welcomed into a christian lady's home to be fed great food and sweet coffee and the three of us laughing uncontrollably because of the heat and all the funny things of the week - and there were many. Thankfully she had three daughter all the same age as us and she loved us for it! There is much to tell. Albania offered us the best of itself and Anna and Catherine saw it in the best of lights with open hearts and tender souls. I miss them lots. They entertained me no end!
(as soon as I can work out how to put photos on - I will)
After arriving into Tirana we were picked up by Margaret Reid, the long term WEC missionary here and bought into the centre where Margaret had some people to meet. We were sent out for our first Tirana experience when Margaret asked us to go to do the shopping in the market - melons, olives, bread, local cheese, onions, tomatoes and the like were all on the list - and the market was alive with sights, sounds and smells and friendly vendors interested in foreigners. It was hot outside and bustling. Anna and Catherine loved it and we made our way round getting lots of good and tastey natual foods. From the start Anna and Catherine opened their hearts to Albania - natural travellers indeed!
By the time we got to Margerets house - tired and hot and dusty but content and excited and happy, we arranged where we would sleep and dropped off to the the sounds of Albania's night - this night it was drums beating for a wedding, dogs barking at each other and hundreds of crickets singing their song while a muslim dirge occasionally rang out. It was as though we were lying in a bed in Africa - the heat and the mosquitos to add to the effect! Was a good introduction to a foreign land.
The next morning a bit bedraggled we set of bright and early and got on a fugon to Korce. We flew round the high mountains in a spacious minibus - two young lads travelling back and forth from Italy kept us entertained along with the speed along driver who stopped at a cafe for a soup and coffee break. It was lovely - there was a soft flowing river, a gentle breeze in the warm air and a nice cappacino with cream on top to enjoy. We stopped again at a natural spring and filled up our water bottles with the most refreshing water to be found. The driver took us to the very doorstep of where we needed to go.
We arrived a Dorcus International, a Dutch Christian humanitarian project that so kindly offered us accomodation - but meanwhile it had to be cleaned out as it was a shed like place that had just been flooded! After a coffee we ended up helping out the lady cleaning and began to form a nice friendship with her - Lirika. Catherine had a picture for her - of God wanting to pour out his love upon her as gold, knowing that she had lost a lot in her past. The next morning while talking with her again it turned out to be so true - she had lost her husband many years ago - leaving her to struggle through life in many ways. (Here's a picture of the sitting room area of our sweet shed - very makeshift but became affectionalty familiar in the short space of time we were there - the good company made it home!)
That afternoon and night we wandered around Korce - cafes, finding postcards, visiting the big othodox church. A couple of old men showed us around the grand building with many icons of saints and apostles and with joyful blessings upon us wished us farewell as we left - one reaching out finally to Catherine pouring out upon her the blessing of finding a beautiful and good husband - Catherine making fine efforts at her language understanding in returned blessed him back by saying "and to you too"! One of the best things of that day was finding a wonderful sweet shop with cakes and baklava like we had never seen before - we took our time picking out cakes before finding a park where people all milled around, the old men playing backgammon, cards and dominoes and others sitting around catching up on the days gossip. In the heat we talked and prayed for Albania. Tierd out we found a restraunt called The Danub, though it was empty it looked very posh and we dined with the best of steaks and finest fruity Albania Merlot wine and a delightful young waiter who seemed trainned to serve royalty! And all of this to the background of 1980's love songs!
The best of all the marvels of that day was walking home late at night down the large dusty road, past great concrete arches that we could not work out what they were there for, and looking out upon the dimly lit bushes and trees that ran on the sides of the road Catherine exclaimed - "look!" and for the first time atleast for Anna and I we saw the buzzing light of a firefly. It was like a fairly from a storybook, then there were two - we were transfixed! It was so much fun. We stayed on the look out all the way home seeing new ones occasionally aswell as searching out the milkyway and bright stars spread out accross the Albanian night sky.
There is much more to write about - the trip to the village Sheqeras - our drivers to the rescue that drove us along the road that would have taken us from morning to night otherwise, meeting Dite a lovely Albanian older lady who treated us like daughters in her simple home, finding a church called Church of the Hebrew Carpenter - a small fellowship of christian opera singers who sing hymns at the top of their voices and then ate ice cream and fruit with us entertaining us with conversation and song! Also the night time ritual of the whole of the town gathering to walk up and down the roads of the town or city - talking and laughing, catching up. Kids in the park with their families till all hours at night and the finding of a wonderful lit up and musical fountain surrounded by a cafe that sells divine hot chocolate. Travelling up north and welcomed into a christian lady's home to be fed great food and sweet coffee and the three of us laughing uncontrollably because of the heat and all the funny things of the week - and there were many. Thankfully she had three daughter all the same age as us and she loved us for it! There is much to tell. Albania offered us the best of itself and Anna and Catherine saw it in the best of lights with open hearts and tender souls. I miss them lots. They entertained me no end!
July 11, 2006
Mary's Thoughts
I am having a sleepless night. I shouldn't be. It's almost by choice - and a foolish one as my day is busy and full tomorrow starting with injections at the doctors at 9am... I go to Albania in a week - that's my validation for not being able to sleep - but I don't reckon its so simple. I have thoughts to work through - lots of my own thoughts that I don't want to deal with, so with a water bottle to drink from at my desk and the light from the computer the only light in the room I face an avenue to finding some answers, I give myself a reason to be awake at 2am and I start to write and update this blog which I havn't written in for weeks.
I've looked back at "expectations" and read what Mary wrote - I jotted down a few things hoping they would speak to me or make me think, and they have. My house mates Anna and Catherine and Anna's boyfriend Owen were talking tonight about God's leading and leadership in church and ministry - and how it is often a narrow road - and a surrenderd one to Gods choices. So Mary's question of "God - should I expect you to call me out to great things?" rang a chord, and I feel like I have an answer. I think the question in itself is good. If you are really willing to do what God wants you to do - then he will lead you into great things - and they are great things by God's standards - quite often contrary to what we hold up as great. The only reason we love beauty and art and friendship and justice and anything good is because of the Spirit of God or the image of God. That's what I think. So to give God your will, so he can give you his will is the only starting point to anything of greatness in Gods eyes - cause he will have a good and perfect will, and he will have good works already ordained for you to do. Jesus was all about his fathers business - and if thats what we're looking to be sold out for - then yeah God will call you into great, great things - by his great, great standards. Which probably means servanthood, sacrafice, meekness, faith that stretches you, hurts that hurt you, love that melts you, joy that is great, family/friends that are wonderful and difficult and wonderful, burdens for people that are heartbreaking, seeing the world as it is that can almost crush you, seeing the beauty of life and loving every minute, seeing people come to know God, seeing God win, seeing the goodness of God in the land of the living.
Is that the calling of God upon us - isn't that what we are about - isn't that what we are walking or climbing towards when we seek after Gods will for our lives. To me that makes the whole world the place of God kingdom and our hearts and minds unlimited in their avenues to be expressive of God. I think that although we can do so many different jobs and live so many different lives I think if we truely desire Gods will for our lives and ask him for this - not once or twice but by the very act of being alive, it it is what we are living for - God will give us a vision and a heart that follow his own, and we will want to walk down that narrow way - no matter what the cost.
Then I read "sheer receptivity, utter dependance and radical reliance" - Mannings words on childlike relationship to God and His great power and mercy and love, and the great cost paid to follow with our very lives has a great balance in the fullness of God in return. Expectations - there is no call from God to be utterly dependant unless He is utterly dependable. The expectations that God has on us - are fully in relation to His capacity to be all that he has said he is. There is no cross to bear - but for the joy set before it. Following Jesus is our greatest call, and he knows the will of the father - and the father is God himself who has the whole world in his hands - he has great things in store for those surrendered to him. And that's obedience, and I wouldn't even dare to begin to write of Gods love that we can recieve and know so little about.
Then I read Mary's recent post - about "as it should be" and although things seem unsettled in big and small ways in personal life and in the world at large - I feel glad that the struggle is there - that there is no peace when it comes to strife and injustice and hurt and loss, and there is hope although at times only a thread, hope in God and the differnce he can make - and even if it is just in a small way - through the capactiy of a christian wanting to see God bring life and healing and taking a step towards being like Jesus and reaching out - then it's worth the struggle. It's cool that God has allowed the world to be seen and the hurt to be felt, it's cool that he is sharing his heart. I pray for his spirit to be alive in me - to mold my heart and mind and use my life for his will.
And all these things are not nicely tied up in the end - not in this blog - not in this life! And I should be in bed sleeping, and I havn't spent proper time in prayer or in reading the Bible for days even weeks. And I've know grace anyway - and I feel free, but my old self comes creeping in and I know I'm in my own strength right now and I want the comfort of other things - I need water from the eternal well and I find myself a thirsty but don't drink, I need the bread of life and I find myself hungry and empty but I don't eat. It's not Albania and thoughts of the new life, the narrow road there - it's my need keeping me awake - and I've still not prayed. I must and I will. Mary your thoughts have let me find grounding for my own thoughts - and I've meandered through - and I've found a space to speak the truth of me, so bless you for all your insights and writings and struggles and thoughts! Goodnight - I hope I'm off to pray before a long awaited sleep.
I've looked back at "expectations" and read what Mary wrote - I jotted down a few things hoping they would speak to me or make me think, and they have. My house mates Anna and Catherine and Anna's boyfriend Owen were talking tonight about God's leading and leadership in church and ministry - and how it is often a narrow road - and a surrenderd one to Gods choices. So Mary's question of "God - should I expect you to call me out to great things?" rang a chord, and I feel like I have an answer. I think the question in itself is good. If you are really willing to do what God wants you to do - then he will lead you into great things - and they are great things by God's standards - quite often contrary to what we hold up as great. The only reason we love beauty and art and friendship and justice and anything good is because of the Spirit of God or the image of God. That's what I think. So to give God your will, so he can give you his will is the only starting point to anything of greatness in Gods eyes - cause he will have a good and perfect will, and he will have good works already ordained for you to do. Jesus was all about his fathers business - and if thats what we're looking to be sold out for - then yeah God will call you into great, great things - by his great, great standards. Which probably means servanthood, sacrafice, meekness, faith that stretches you, hurts that hurt you, love that melts you, joy that is great, family/friends that are wonderful and difficult and wonderful, burdens for people that are heartbreaking, seeing the world as it is that can almost crush you, seeing the beauty of life and loving every minute, seeing people come to know God, seeing God win, seeing the goodness of God in the land of the living.
Is that the calling of God upon us - isn't that what we are about - isn't that what we are walking or climbing towards when we seek after Gods will for our lives. To me that makes the whole world the place of God kingdom and our hearts and minds unlimited in their avenues to be expressive of God. I think that although we can do so many different jobs and live so many different lives I think if we truely desire Gods will for our lives and ask him for this - not once or twice but by the very act of being alive, it it is what we are living for - God will give us a vision and a heart that follow his own, and we will want to walk down that narrow way - no matter what the cost.
Then I read "sheer receptivity, utter dependance and radical reliance" - Mannings words on childlike relationship to God and His great power and mercy and love, and the great cost paid to follow with our very lives has a great balance in the fullness of God in return. Expectations - there is no call from God to be utterly dependant unless He is utterly dependable. The expectations that God has on us - are fully in relation to His capacity to be all that he has said he is. There is no cross to bear - but for the joy set before it. Following Jesus is our greatest call, and he knows the will of the father - and the father is God himself who has the whole world in his hands - he has great things in store for those surrendered to him. And that's obedience, and I wouldn't even dare to begin to write of Gods love that we can recieve and know so little about.
Then I read Mary's recent post - about "as it should be" and although things seem unsettled in big and small ways in personal life and in the world at large - I feel glad that the struggle is there - that there is no peace when it comes to strife and injustice and hurt and loss, and there is hope although at times only a thread, hope in God and the differnce he can make - and even if it is just in a small way - through the capactiy of a christian wanting to see God bring life and healing and taking a step towards being like Jesus and reaching out - then it's worth the struggle. It's cool that God has allowed the world to be seen and the hurt to be felt, it's cool that he is sharing his heart. I pray for his spirit to be alive in me - to mold my heart and mind and use my life for his will.
And all these things are not nicely tied up in the end - not in this blog - not in this life! And I should be in bed sleeping, and I havn't spent proper time in prayer or in reading the Bible for days even weeks. And I've know grace anyway - and I feel free, but my old self comes creeping in and I know I'm in my own strength right now and I want the comfort of other things - I need water from the eternal well and I find myself a thirsty but don't drink, I need the bread of life and I find myself hungry and empty but I don't eat. It's not Albania and thoughts of the new life, the narrow road there - it's my need keeping me awake - and I've still not prayed. I must and I will. Mary your thoughts have let me find grounding for my own thoughts - and I've meandered through - and I've found a space to speak the truth of me, so bless you for all your insights and writings and struggles and thoughts! Goodnight - I hope I'm off to pray before a long awaited sleep.
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